| it's a difficult feeling to describe. its like i'm standing on this brink of 'adulthood', and i'm trying not to be too scared to just jump head first into it, but it's really hard not to be. i'm not accountable to my parents anymore and thats terrifying.
tomorrow is my eighteenth birthday.
i'm gunning for a good day.
and i won't be far from where you are, if ever you should call
you meant more to me than anyone i ever loved at all
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| who would have thought the tiny courageous
who would have thought that love so belated could save me. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i can't believe how stupid i am.
how could i have fucking lost it. it has everything i needed to study and now i can't fucking remember a thing.
i'm so fucking stupid. so ffffuuuuccckkkinnnggg stupid. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | parce mihi domine. | | Time: | 07:49 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/sad.gif) drained |
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| They laid their hands upon my head,
They stroked my cheek and brow;
And time could heal a hurt, they said,
And time could dim a vow.
And they were pitiful and mild
Who whispered to me then,
"The heart that breaks in April, child,
Will mend in May again."
Oh, many a mended heart they knew,
So old they were, and wise,
And little did they have to do
To come to me with lies!
Who flings me silly talk of May
shall meet a bitter soul;
For June was nearly spent away
Before my heart was whole.
fav.poemevah.
(elle giggles softly at 'talk of may'.) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| dead set, hey.
teh fall out boyz new album is teh crap ... out boyz. i mean. i liked it when i first heard it, but none of the song stuck to me and now i find all of them have meshed into one big steaming pile of assdonkey's. or would that be assdonkies?
and on the topic of new albums. brand new's. well, it's not that new. but either way, i also liked it when i first heard it but enough with the references to jesus or to god or to the holy fucking spirit. when i bought it i wasn't aware i'd signed up for bible class.
durgh.
i feel like shit.
i suddenly remember why i hate school so much. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| it's almost like knowing everything, but knowing nothing at all.
watching people flutter about with their hearts on their sleeves, letting people love them and loving back so intensely. in a way that i can't even comprehend, or in a way that i've never really stopped to think about that much. and oh their plans! their plans for careers. their plans for children. their plans for the lives that they've been dreaming of forever, and all i want to do is feel the same excitement in the pit of my stomach that i thought i would. i was convinced this would be my freedom.
my sociology textbook has that quote from looking for alibrandi.
the one about john barton. and how all he wants is freedom.
i was just flicking through it, and the words seemed to jump out at me and burn into my eyes. making me look. making me remember.
i can't read it.
it makes bile rise up in the back of my throat and tears at my tongue in a way that's bitter but so affirming.
i'm not doing the right thing;
but fuck it.
lets give this a shot.
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| livejournal was in my dream last night. so was celia (yes, you celia), she jumped on some guys head. and so was the vocal coach from australian idol, we were singing truly madly deeply. i think i need to learn how to dream more effectively.
cates graduation yesterday. was muchos proud of her. however, let me just say that ceremonies of the like are so fucking boring. i had this whole scene playing out in my head that all the people on stage were from hogwarts, because they were all in their fancy graduation robes. it passed the time effectively.
went and visited mother in le hospital. i made cate wear the hat. mainly for my own amusement.
and now i'm wasting time before work. sigh.
i need to start christmas shopping. i always leave it way too late.
emilies birthday dinner tomorrow is going to clean me out a bit though. frick.
why isn't oprah on? it's something about guy sebastian.
i need to shower. i think i smell a bit. (i most probably do.)
ps. a bachelor of laws has a uai of 96.5. fuck yo' mother cuz! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I'm making a summer holidays resolution to purge myself of all the negativity in me. Starting with this journal.
Going through and deleting everything in here that is hurtful, rude, sad or just negative is theraputic. It feels like only the good parts of me are left. For today, at least.
<3
(Ps: It's a beautiful day.) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| If I ever needed another reason as to why I have the greatest friends alive, this is it.
| | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I have a few letters to write.
Dear Narrabundah College.
I may or may not hope you burn down in a serious smelting incident, thus resulting in me not having to write these stupid essays.
Dear self.
Write said stupid essays.
Dear Darren Hayes.
I am also willing to sleep my way to the top. However only if this involves sleeping with you.
Dear slut on bus.
You ruined my enjoyable bus ride home. Just so you know.
Dear Woolworths.
Employ me. Plz? I need money.
Dear car.
Teach me how to drive you. You look ronery sitting in the driveway.
Dear Britney.
Leave K-Fed. Seriously, enough is enough.
Dear Chinese Delivery Place.
Thankyou for being nice to me while I sit and suffer in silence, agonising over stupid essays.
Dear Elle's social life.
It's okay. You'll be okay next week when Elle is a little bit less stressy.
Dear mind matters.
SCREW YOU, YOU BIG FAT BUNCH OF ASSHOLES.
Dear self.
Remind self never to volunteer for anything again.
Dear Under Milk Wood.
You're too welsh. Stop it.
Dear Psychology/English.
I love you, but you're breaking my heart. Leave me alone.
Dear dentist.
Lets just say, on a scale of one to ten how much I hate your face, its about fourteen.
Dear Darren Hayes pt 2.
Make me stop listening to this. No, that's a lie. Savage Garden/Darren Hayes' solo stuff makes me happy. I know, I'm a bad person. I can't help it. Um. Also. I also must confess that I have been a very bad boy, and that I have been sleeping around and all that jazz. Just so you know.
Dear friends list.
I'm sorry I filled your friends pages with letters. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I'm trying to work out whether or not this is good.
"My long held theory that the best of Canebrra's theatre is staged by people in their late teens and early 20's was borne out when I visited Narrabundah College's production of Urinetown - the Musical late last week. Written by Mark Hollman and Greg Kotis and directed by Steven Bailey, with choreography by Charlie Sanders, it played havoc with the theatrical conventions while telling a bleak, futuristic tale of commerical gluttony and ecological disaster. If the title mystifies you, its a reference to a society where, after a long lasting drought, private toilets are banned. Though it was not always "a night of bladder bursting laughter" as the cast was threatening, the packed out show proved to be that rare beast, a thoughtful musical."
Hmm. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| okay. just so we're clear.
my sister + kickboxing + cher = officially rules. yeah, thats right. i've brought back "rules". or did it never leave? anyway.
nwoteniru ot emoc. i mean, what? | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I keep having these images. Of everything going wrong and of everything going right, all at the same time. And it suddenly dawned on me that this is almost over, and I'm not sure that I'm really ready for that. When I first joined this cast I had no idea how much of a part of my life it would become. I thought "hey, i'll just breeze in and out of this like the breezy kind of fucker that i am", but was I kidding myself? They so quickly became my family. I think of how much I used to hate Aidan in first session and how much I chronicly adore that guy now, just because of how much time I've spent actually getting to know the person underneath is "I'm so tough, don't fuck with me" attitude, that is complete bullshit by the way. And how much I used to clash with Millwood, and how quickly he became like my older brother with his protective bullshit and hugs for "being a top chick". I don't get it. Like, how it happens or why it happens. Because its not like I'm really all that compatible with these people, but somehow we were just thrust together like that and it just ... worked? I don't know. I know that even after Spring there'll be Autumn and lets face it, Little Brice could be the greatest gift that anybody ever received (If you'd seen him and Tojo at Stevens on the weekend when he went into Dad-mode, you'd get what I was saying. Theres a fundamental difference between Big Brice and Little Brice. Tom is actually a decent human being, and Steven is a robot. I mean, what? Anyway) but you know. I still get a little sad when I think about this being over.
I hope people come and see it. But you know, even if they don't, even if there is no one in the audience every night, I'll still do it over and over again.
you can't jump the track,
we're like cars on a cable
and lifes like an hourlgass
glued to a table
no one can find the rewind button girl
so cradle your head in your hands
and breathe.
just breathe. | | comments: 11 comments or Leave a comment |
| try not to miss my heaps emo weekend updates.
i mean. i know it'll be hard.
but we all have to make sacrifices sometimes.
like lambs and goats and stuff.
anyway.
camp.
catch you bitches laterrrz. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| quote of the day by the ever eloquent miss logue.
"i want lots of homos ... i mean, houmus..."
we're pretty much the coolest things ever.
i nay want to go to le camp on thursday, but at least we'll eat well.
oc! gah. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| okay so how much do i want a hot teacher so i can go around singing that crazy song thats like "thats what i go to school for"? so much.
unfortunately, the chances of a hot teacher rocking up is five hundred to none and i swear if either of you say anything about -shudder- steven, i will cry. i really will.
heh.heh.heh. | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
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xsugarcult's journal